**I wrote this blog post last year (2016) before our mission trip, but didn’t have the courage to share it until now**
We are exactly one month away from our trip to St. Croix and my entire 5 feet 10 inches is bursting with a gamut of emotions. Excitement, nervousness, self-doubt, worry, and anticipation are just a few that are swirling around at the moment.
I want to pretend that I have it all together. That I’m confident about what we’re doing. But it would be such a lie. Honestly, at the moment I am so overwhelmed and doubtful. I want to pretend this isn’t a challenge because I want to encourage others. I’m afraid if I’m honest, I will discourage people from wanting to serve in the mission field. But let’s face it…life is hard.
My biggest struggle at the moment is feeling inadequate. I know all of my weaknesses, all of my struggles. I know what a wretched person I can be. And yet, for some reason, God still chooses to use me.
When I was younger, I remember praying that God would make me like the great leaders in the Bible. I prayed to be like Moses, David, and Paul. Never understanding at the time who they truly were… A man who didn’t think he could do the job and tried to get God to find someone else to free the Israelites, a man who was an adulterer and murderer, and a man who sought out and murdered Christians.
Yet all I saw was what God did through these men. The great things He accomplished through broken and sinful men. It gives me hope that if God is able to use men such as these for His purposes, then He is able to use me as well.
The same God that created the glorious stars in the sky is the same God who created me, and I was created to do good works. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Sometimes that means I’m scrubbing poopy toilets, and other times it means I’m travelling across the world (to possibly scrub more poopy toilets). It doesn’t matter what “good works” I’m doing, or where I’m doing them, as long as I’m serving the Lord.
So where does that leave me? If I truly believe that God chose me to do this, then what do I do now? What do I do with all of my doubts and inadequacies?
1 Peter 4:8-11 tells us “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ.”
Is it really so simple?
Love each other, use your gifts to serve others, and God will provide you with the strength you need.